And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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