there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
