I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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