I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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