K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, beer. Big fan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
