What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
