she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
