"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
