Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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