chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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