so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
