I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
