Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
