He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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