Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
