Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
