Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
