I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
