btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
