Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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