Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
