i think my mom watched the whole time
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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