I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
