i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
