Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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