Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
