are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
