Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
