He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
