I bet he comes in French.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
