Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
