Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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