I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
