THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
