matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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