oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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