I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
