It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
