I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
