I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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