My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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