Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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