why do cheetos always look like penises
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
