Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
