she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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