he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
bring money and cleavage
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
