My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
