I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
