One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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