I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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