Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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