I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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