I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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