You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
