ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
