I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
