I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
