literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
