Texts From Last Night

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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge

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  (862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge http://tfl.nu/uife
  Replies (12) Good night (1077) Bad night (4078)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

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  (781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj
  Replies (17) Good night (5870) Bad night (1309)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity

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  (403): There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity http://tfl.nu/85sl
  Replies (9) Good night (3868) Bad night (1346)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?

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  (225): I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign? http://tfl.nu/j7ur
  Replies (21) Good night (1113) Bad night (7246)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  the room spins SO much faster in panama

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  (513): the room spins SO much faster in panama http://tfl.nu/zlx7
  Replies (5) Good night (2477) Bad night (895)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...

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  (732): Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL... http://tfl.nu/zpti
  Replies (6) Good night (2073) Bad night (999)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.

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  (316): He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over. http://tfl.nu/vzgx
  Replies (5) Good night (678) Bad night (1660)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Figured I'd get right to the point

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  (215): My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up." (1-215): Figured I'd get right to the point http://tfl.nu/wgkv
  Replies (8) Good night (856) Bad night (1542)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor

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  (610): Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor http://tfl.nu/pp4j
  Replies (1) Good night (906) Bad night (541)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.

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  (303): Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package. http://tfl.nu/50h2
  Replies (3) Good night (906) Bad night (374)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors

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  (250): Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors http://tfl.nu/eym3
  Replies (1) Good night (472) Bad night (279)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.

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  (320): Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over. http://tfl.nu/xbhh
  Replies (1) Good night (725) Bad night (226)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.

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  (314): I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work. http://tfl.nu/eou1
  Replies (1) Good night (507) Bad night (275)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.

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  (520): She's on her period. You don't know what fear is. http://tfl.nu/pvji
  Replies (5) Good night (309) Bad night (653)
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  (315): View more from New York

  That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.

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  (315): That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature. http://tfl.nu/jo7c
  Replies (0) Good night (238) Bad night (356)

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