i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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