the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.