Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was not drunk enough for that final.