Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?