when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
