you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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