I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
