So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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