he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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