btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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