i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
