More tranny stories later!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
